With a bit of talent and plenty of dedication, Mary Ann Presman, 69, has turned her passion of reading, writing, and story crafting into a mid-life career. In 1995, after retiring as an advertising and public relations manager and copywriter, Mary Ann of Rockford, IL attended the famed Iowa Summer Writer’s Festival where she took a workshop that launched her on the road to becoming a published author.

“Early on I heard Jane Smiley speak at an author’s reading,” Mary Ann recalled. “She gave me hope in a Q&A by saying that she did think writing can be taught. She said you had to have some talent, but that by continuing to work at it, one could improve their skills. Obviously, I bought that.”

Mary Ann (center) at a writer’s workshop in Jamaica that was led by novelist Pam Houston (front row, left).

In the past 14 years, Mary Ann has attended more than 12 workshops and embracing her independent spirit, drives solo from Illinois to workshops in Provincetown, Portland, and St. Petersburg. “I slide in my CDs of road music – Willie Nelson, Steve Goodman, the Dixie Chicks- and I am off,” she said.

In 2010, Mary Ann will have a book published and available on Amazon. The new book titled “Curse? There Ain’t No Stinking Chicago Cub Curse,” is a collection of sports-related stories of Mary Ann’s, and fellow writer James Wolfe, who has published five novels. There are eleven stories–about golf, baseball, pool, blackjack, horse racing, bocce ball, basketball, tennis, and Scrabble dating. “It’s a fun book of stories with a few surprises,” Mary Ann said.   

We asked Mary Ann to tell us about her journey to becoming a published author.

Mary Ann at the family farm in Galena, IL

When and how did you get the writing bug? How old were you?

When I was a sophomore in high school (a ga-jillion years ago!) I wrote an essay about my Grandmother’s farm kitchen that won a rosary as best in our little English class. That was very important validation.

Can you tell us which famous writers you have met?

I’ve studied with some of the best: Pam Houston, Dennis Lehane, Margot Livesey, Antonya Nelson, Jim Shepard. The workshops typically have writers who will either be keynote speakers, or teach other workshops and read/speak in the evenings. So I heard Tom Perrotta read two nights before he was nominated for an Academy Award for the film adaptation of his novel, “Little Children.” I’ve also seen/heard read Jane Smiley, Peter Carey, John Irving, Elizabeth Strout, Bonnie Jo Campbell, Richard Price, Elizabeth Berg, Jodi Picoult, Jonathon Franzen, Michael Chabon, Alexandra Fuller, E. J. Doctorow, Augusten Burroughs, Anne Lamott, David Lodge, Laura Lippman, John Updike, Anna Quindlen, Joyce Carol Oates, Ann Patchett, Jacqueline Mitchard, Annie Proulx, and Margaret Atwood, among others. They were all memorable in their own way.

Did you have an ‘aha moment’ in your writing career thus far?

Well, mostly it’s when I read somebody like Elizabeth Strout or Elizabeth Berg and see the kind of writing I aspire to create. I enjoy reading others–Dennis Lehane, for instance–but I’m never going to write like he does.

Did you ever get really discouraged and think of giving it up?  If so, what did you do to recharge yourself?

I suppose I’ve been momentarily discouraged when I’ve received a rejection notice for a story that I thought would finally be published. But by signing up for a workshop every summer, I require myself to create a new story to be critiqued and I get pumped up by the workshop experience itself.

What is the best part about writing, and the things you find the most challenging?

The most challenging part for me is to keep at it because I’m not a very disciplined person and you are your own boss as a writer. I need to give myself deadlines. The best part of writing, of course, is when you know that someone has honestly enjoyed reading your story. I am addicted to reading and I aspire to giving someone else the pleasure that other writers have given to me…the comfort in knowing that you are not the only one who has such foibles, or the joy in sharing even a fictional character’s success in overcoming life’s unexpected obstacles.

Where do you find your story ideas?

Story ideas really do pop up just about anywhere. Some are adaptations, exaggerations of true-life happenings. Often, I observe a person, or more likely–two or three people together–and I imagine what might be going on between them. Presto! A story!

What does your family think of your writing career?

Since we’re all readers, they’re very supportive and very good at critiquing first or second drafts. My brother, Gary Houy, is a great editor–and with online communication he has served as an indispensable help with the book we’re about to publish. 

What’s next?

As I’ve been working on getting my 50,000 words down for the National Novel Writing Month exercise, I’ve written a couple of chapters that definitely have possibilities either as standalone stories or as part of a new collection. I’ve learned a lot over the last few years and I’m eager to continue honing my skills and improving my craft.

Mary Pat Byrne (If you have an idea for an inspiring story, please send the details to MPB@JustANumber.com)

We arrived at Chilam Balam, a bring-your-own-bottle Mexican restaurant in Chicago a little harried, after some difficulty locating the tiny basement location.  It’s difficult to see as you drive by; yours truly was walking down Broadway with her street (no-I’m-not-a-suburbanite) face firmly planted when a car window rolled down and a loud voice shouted, “GERI!” Being in the center of a cool urban area, this suburbanite didn’t expect to hear her own name shouted at 180 decibels, so after jumping about 10 feet into the air, I spotted Rose looking unhappy and perplexed. “The restaurant doesn’t exist. I drove by and there is nothing there.” She pouted for a moment, then got out of the car and walked with me for another half block. A small sign under a set of stairs pointed the way to a lower level. A series of complicated doors (hey, it’s Chicago—even the storm doors need storm doors) opened into a crowded, bustling room with tiny tables pushed together beneath exposed brick walls.

We grabbed chairs, pulled corks from wine bottles, and began to examine the hand-crafted menu. Although not very extensive, the treats described within the velum-papered, hand-bound menu were too delicious to make easy choices. So we did what we rarely do. We asked Luis, our affable waiter, to start bringing food, and to keep it coming.

Within minutes, before we’d even had a chance to start catching up on our tales of family, work and travel, the food began to appear.

First came the empanadas, little triangle pies filled with braised mushrooms in a verde sauce, cheeses, and roasted green chilies. We cut them in half with our forks and wolfed them down. Next came the crispy flautas stuffed with chicken and topped with a chipotle-mezcal sauce, pickled cabbage, fresh cheese and crema. These were so good that I pulled Luis aside and begged him to bring more. Creamy guacamole quickly appeared and just as quickly un-appeared.  And still, no recognizable conversation. Plates were pushed across the table, exchanged, and wiped clean. Comments consisted mainly of “hmmm,” “did you taste THAT?” and “pass that plate.”

Two different ceviches arrived; an ahi tuna tossed with lemon juice, tamarind, red onion, and topped with toasted sesame seeds plus a halibut ceviche with cucumber, jicama, cilantro, habanero, avocado and tomato. Hmmmm. After explaining to Rose that ceviche is actually “cooked” in the citric juices, our sushi-shy head Diva poked a tentative fork into the fray. She deemed it edible, but preferred the crispy corn masa huaraches, a Mexican version of bruschetta topped with fresh garbanzo bean puree, grilled mushrooms, queso fresco, roasted green chile rajas, sundried tomatoes, avocado salsa and sunflower greens.

Then Luis brought plates of tiny pork belly tacos that quite simply rendered us all speechless. The pork was crispy, nestled in soft taco shells topped with what the menus described as “Michoacán’s famous frijoles puercos” (whatever that is), caramelized sweet onions, diced white onion, cilantro and the most perfect slices of fresh avocado I have ever encountered. Absolute perfect. Days later, I am still thinking about it.

According to the restaurant’s web site, Chilam Balam loosely translates to “Book of the Jaguar Priest” in the Mayan language. The name embodies the restaurant’s commitment to locally grown foods born of sustainable farming methods. Their creations are made without food additives or ingredients such as corn syrup or msg. The Divas were very impressed by the fact that this unique temple to flavor is owned by three young twenty-somethings. One of these is Soraya Rendon, who manages the front of the house from a tiny corner of the dining room.  In her mid-twenties, Soraya left Mexico City when she was 18. She joined us table side while Luis, our waiter, leaned into other diners to snap the obligatory Diva Group Photo. An amazing young lady, she seemed wise beyond her years as she smiled and talked about her love of good food.

Chocolate Dessert

A brief word about the desserts.  Yum.  The chocolate chile mousse actually had a kick to it. The pineapple upside down cake was served as a compact 2-inch tall disk, topped coconut crème anglaise and accompanied by an imported Mexican black ice cream called zapote—again, I don’t know what that is, but it tasted deliciously unlike anything I’ve ever had before.  Two additional deserts included hibiscus flan with vanilla-lime swirl ice cream and little rolled up empanadas stuffed with crunchy peanut butter. This last one came with two dipping sauces: black fig and Oaxacan chocolate dipping sauces.

Because we had spent so little time perusing menus and because Luis was the most efficient food gatherer and bringer, the Divas found themselves paying the check and climbing the stairs back to street level in a little over an hour. But we were full and happy, and content to leave serious discussion to another dining date.

Chilam Balam

3023 N. Broadway

Chicago, IL 60657

773 296 6901

www.chilambalamchicago.com

My primary doctor ordered a CT scan of my sinuses and neck that revealed a 5 cm nodule or growth, sometimes called a goiter, on the left side of my thyroid. A lot of thyroid nodules/growths are found accidentally.

I’m part of a growing statistic. The American Thyroid Association says nearly 20 million Americans have some form of thyroid disease and about 60% of us are unaware of the condition. “Women are five to eight times more likely then men to have thyroid problems,” according to the association. A small percentage of those with thyroid problems have thyroid cancer. Fortunately, thyroid cancer can be treated and the mortality rate has stayed constant and minimal at .5%. 

The thyroid is a butterfly-shaped gland in the front of the neck, sitting on top of the windpipe and just above the breastbone. It produces hormones that control your heart rate, blood pressure, metabolism, and other vital body functions.

Hypothyroidism (too little thyroid hormone) can cause constipation, depression, fatigue, heavier menstrual periods, joint or muscle pain, weight gain, cardiovascular problems, osteoporosis, and infertility. Bob DeMarco, editor of the Alzheimer’s Reading Room, says it can also present as dementia in older people and a false diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease. Hoarseness is a strong indicator of nodule growth, as the nodule presses against the larynx even if the thyroid is not diseased.

Other than pressing against my vocal chords and esophagus a little, I felt no effects and my blood workup indicated my thyroid was doing just fine.

My ear, nose, and throat doctor ordered a sonogram on my neck and a fine needle aspiration (FNA) biopsy. The biopsy was negative for cancer but inconclusive, which is normal considering the biopsy examines a few dozen cells out of a massive number. The ENT recommended removing the entire thyroid, rather than take the chance of a growth developing on the other side requiring another surgery.

Can I Live Without My Thyroid?

Whether you have hypothyroidism and/or have a surgical removal of the thyroid, you almost definitely will be on daily thyroid hormone replacement medication.

Some patients want to avoid the surgery because of the 3”–4” scar it leaves on the neck. Dr. Pier Giulianotti, chief, Division of General Minimally Invasive Surgery at the University of Illinois at Chicago, began performing robotic parathyroidectomy on the parathyroid glands in 2008. This minimally invasive method removes the thyroid with one small incision under the patient’s right arm and another in the chest, thus eliminating the neck scar and helping reduce pain and blood loss with a quicker recovery time.

Increased Incidence of Thyroid Disease

The reason for the thyroid disease increase, or increase in awareness about it, is not known. It could be biological change, radiation exposure, or genetic factors. Or better diagnostic procedures may be responsible for doctors discovering the disease more often. Thyroid disease is growing consistently among all population groups, regardless of ethnic or racial background.

One possible culprit is the increased use of CT scans that may give off more radiation that we have thought. Dental X-rays also may be involved, and researchers are suggesting that the thyroid be covered with a lead protector. Another cause is thought to stem from the wide use of radiation in the middle of the last century as a means of treating ear infections, tonsillitis, enlarged thymus glands, acne, birthmarks, and even ringworm. According to David Cooper, MD, a thyroid specialist at Sinai Hospital in Baltimore, more than 1 million American children had radiation treatments in the early years of the baby boom for these minor afflictions. The treatments were discontinued in the early 1960s when they became linked to an increased risk for cancer of the thyroid, the gland that produces the hormone thyroxine. More recent studies show that individuals who had been treated for cancer with radiation are developing thyroid cancer.

Shane Steadman, DC, a chiropractic neurologist with a background in endocrinology, co-owns Mountain Health Chiropractic & Neurology Center in Denver, CO, and attributes the increase, at least in part, to chronic stress, celiac disease, and vitamin B-12 deficiencies. “I don’t think people are taking care of themselves,” said Dr. Steadman. “They’re overly stressed, especially with the economy; it wreaks havoc on your health more than anything else.”

Carol Roberts, MD, Tampa, FL, is a practicing ear, nose, and throat and emergency room doctor who has gone into integrated holistic medicine. Her new book, Good Medicine a Return to Common Sense, notes that thyroid disease is becoming, “pretty common because a lot of people are iodine deficient.”

Americans used to eat a sufficient amount of iodized salt, but now, “People are using less salt and we don’t eat seaweed or a lot of shellfish, two other sources of iodine,” Dr. Roberts said, noting we need the higher iodine for healthy breasts, and when there’s a minimal amount of iodine intake, it’s distributed between the breasts and thyroid. She is among those who advocate taking supplements, readily available at health food stores, for increased iodine and Vitamin B-12.

John Morgenthaler, editor and publisher of Longevity Medicine Review said, “The bottom line is that iodine deficiency is far more widespread than generally assumed by doctors, and this is behind much of the epidemic of hypothyroidism.”

My Two Cents

I dislike using the Internet as my main information source for diseases. There are a lot of scare stories and misinformation and it’s not always easy to determine which is which. My adult daughter went with me to the doctor’s office prior to agreeing to the surgery to make sure we asked the questions we wanted answered. We were both pleased with the answers and felt comfortable with the surgeon and her experience.

Having said that, if I were 21 and facing this surgery, I think I would have explored the possibility of natural cures, and if they hadn’t worked, then I would go for the robotic surgery. However, I have had a melanoma removed and my mother and many of her nine siblings died of cancer. Therefore, I am very careful, perhaps overly careful, whenever there’s a possibility of the disease. My primary physician (an endocrinologist would be the specialist in this field) and I are working on the proper dose of synthetic thyroid and I feel absolutely no different from before the surgery.

I hope my story sheds some light on thyroid disease, and helps people understand potential causes and the treatment options that are currently available. Research is the key!

–Judy Colbert

Resources:

• Alzheimer’s Reading Room: http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/
• American Thyroid Association: http://www.thyroid.org/
• Dr. Pier Giulianotti: http://www.uic.edu/com/surgery/general/giulianotti.html
• Longevity Medicine Review: http://www.lmreview.com/
• Dr. Carol Roberts: http://www.wellnessworks.us/
• Dr. Shane Steadman: http://www.findachiro.com/profile/robert-shane-steadman-3097100/

In October, we posted a feature on Nancy Willemstein, 63, who ran more than 30 marathons since turning 48.  Click Here to read the original story.

Update: In 2009, Nancy ran five, (26.2 mile) marathons. That brings her lifetime total marathons to 34, and she has no plans to slow down. To mix up her daily exercise regime, she has begun free weight training at the Y, swim lessons, and Zumba. And she fits this all in while working a full time job at Steelcase in Grand Rapids, MI. Here are pictures of Nancy finishing the Twin Cities Marathon in October and the Huntsville Marathon in December. Not bad for a Grandmother!

Nancy finishing the Huntsville marathon

“I have three goals that I live by: drive, desire and determination, and each day I strive to use them all to be my best. God has given me this body and I want to do the best I can with it,” said Nancy.

Conversation first centered around our collective relief that the holidays were over.  Some of us reported undecorated homes; others did the whole deck-the-hall routine, but without much enthusiasm. Family gatherings were nice, but many of them were endured, not embraced. Why was this? we wondered.  Was it due to the gloom that hung over the economy and every newscast throughout the holiday season? Or was it a subconscious rebellion against the rampant consumerism that brought our country to nearly the brink of disaster? We couldn’t agree on any single reason to our malaise, but we were united in our relief that the holidays were packed up and put away for another year.

With that came the shared sentiment that 2009 was better off over. It wasn’t that any of us explicitly suffered in the economic downturn. Sure, belts have been tightened and finances monitored perhaps a bit more closely, but none of us had lost a job or a home.  So why did 2009 seem so miserable? We decided that we had collectively allowed the constant drumbeat of doom to get under our skin. And therefore, we decided that a change was in order. We could choose despair, or we could choose optimism. It is entirely in our control.

Mary is a perfect example of our new found commitment to optimism. She originally thought she’d miss our Diva dinner because she had tickets to a Dave Mason rock concert for the same evening. As she pulled away from the curb, she felt her brakes give out. Without her car, she was unable to get to the concert venue.  Her first reaction? “Now I don’t have to miss the Divas!”  She quickly called Chris and Linda, and hitched a ride to Chinatown with them. “Well, I was already dressed up and ready to go out!” she laughed. And she reminded us, “Rose always says, even years are better than odd years.”

For this new year, our commitment to ourselves and to each other is to choose optimism over despair whenever possible. Optimism can be contagious, and that’s a positive virus to spread around.

We eventually got around to discussing health—not ours, but our spouses’. Why is it, Dawn wondered, that men refuse to see the doctor? Her husband has been putting off the task of locating a physician and making an actual appointment.  Chris, our registered nurse, said she has the same issue with her husband. Are they simply in denial that they are “men of a certain age?” Is it fear that post 50, they will have no choice but to make the dreaded first acquaintance with a colonoscopy?  I was pleased to let the Divas know that my own spouse made his first visit (in seven years!) to an internist earlier that very week, and had received a clean bill of health (that, and a referral to a gastroenterologist for his colonoscopy). Dawn scribbled the physician’s name on a scrap of the paper tablecloth, and vowed simply to make an appointment for her husband.  We agreed: Leading your man by the nose seems to be the best/only way to get some them to the doctor.  

Dear readers: If you have found other solutions to getting your man to the doctor, please share them in the comments box below!

With the delivery of fortune cookies, our rambunctious dinner came to a close. Please read our fortunes aloud, as we did, with the words “… in bed” tacked to the end. Enjoy!

“A pleasant surprise is in store for you.”

“The sure way to predict the future is to invent it.”

“Your spirit of adventure leads you down an exciting new path.”

“Your secret desire to completely change your life will manifest.”

“Time to break out of that corner, unstuck that rut.”

“You may have sudden and surprising opportunities.”

“Your companions are your mirrors and show you yourself.”
 

* Moon Palace

  216 W. Cermak Rd. – Chicago

  Chicago, IL 60616

  312-225-4081

Marion Gold, 65, of Scottsdale did just that -she took her hobby of beading and her eye for color and turned it into a new business.

A medical journalist by trade, Marion enjoyed a successful career as an editor, and EVP of a health communications agency in Chicago. She always had a creative flair in business strategy and in how she portrayed her business persona – always meticulously dressed in St. John suits and matching pumps with expertly applied makeup. She even sported a bejeweled calculator on her desk as she ran a million dollar health care business in the 1980’s.

Finding Purpose through Pain

In 1994, Marion launched her own editorial company, but she says her world stopped when both her parents died within two years of each other; her father Larry in 2000 and mother Ray in 2002. “At the age of 58 I found it hard to write. A book I was writing languished. Articles didn’t get beyond the first two paragraphs. My mother’s strength helped me face the grief of losing Dad. Now they were both gone, and despite a satisfying career and home life with my soul mate Jerry, I felt as though my heart had been broken and I would never again find peace,” she said.

In sorting through her parents treasures in New Jersey, Marion found boxes of vintage beads from one of her mother’s many craft projects and remembered her mother’s unfailing creative spirit. She set aside the book she was writing and began to work with the beads which soothed her. Her partner Jerry encouraged her to, “Do what feels right to ease your pain and grief.”

Marion found working with the beads ”joyful” and saw it as a way to memorialize her parents. “Jerry encouraged me to show my beaded products to a gallery shop. As a marketer I was used to making cold calls, so I set up an appointment, put a sample case together and I was off. Imagine my delight when “ChiaroScuro,” a boutique on Chicago’s Magnificent Mile was displaying and selling my work,” she recalled. “So here I was at the age of 58, suddenly starting an entirely new business called Moonbeams, Lilacs and Roses. (www.moonbeamsdesignerjewelry.com) I felt a sense of energy again, and I imagined my mom and dad encouraging me,” she explained.

The company name is derived from personal experience: “Moonbeams” is a Hebrew symbol of renewal, “Lilacs” were Marion’s mother’s favorite flower, and “Roses” are Marion’s flower of choice.

Designing a Unique Collection

Marion started out making and selling bookmarks, beaded pens, and letter openers. Today she offers a diverse collection of beaded gifts and jewelry with exotic gemstones like topaz, larkspur, purple agate, fossil coral, bronzite, jasper, jade, malachite and black onyx adorned with her signature sterling silver accents. Fans of Marion’s say she has a great sense of color and design. They describe her jewelry as elegant, whimsical works of art. Many of her new customers are a result of girlfriends admiring their friend’s unique necklaces and bracelets. “Each beaded product I create is something I would like to have on my own desk. Each jewelry design is something I would feel good about wearing or giving as a gift,” she explained.

In developing her business, Marion launched a website (designed by ATG Productions) – as an online retail company to sell her luxury crafts. She uses her photography skills to take “jewelry portraits” for the site and advertising materials. “Today, I spend a lot of time reading about each gemstone, so I can describe it accurately online. And I’m learning a lot about selling online, and using the newer techniques of social marketing on Facebook and Twitter,” she said.  

Transforming Passion into a Business

What would Marion advise to someone wanting to take a passion and turn it into a business? “It helps to love what you are doing. Remember that not every day brings sales. And it takes dedication, hard work, good friends and lots of good luck.”

“My parents set a beautiful example of great strength, courage, and love throughout their lives. They understood that life is indeed a journey, and often a journey in the midst of pain. But life also takes us to unknown places,” she said.  “It is my hope that my personal journey down the path of love and remembrance will inspire others. I miss my parents, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of them. The creative process is one very important way that I honor them,” she said.

Retirement Plans?  

Are there retirement plans any time soon? “Retiring has never been on my agenda. I’ve always felt whether it is writing, mentoring, or designing jewelry- there is always something new and interesting that I can accomplish,” she said. “I still have my communications and publishing business, but it’s the Moonbeam’s side of my work that always puts a smile on my face and in my heart.”

By Mary Pat Byrne (If you have an idea for an inspiring story, please send the details to MPB@JustANumber.com)

We begin mail delivery as we walk down one wing and she tells me anecdotes of the residents.  “She always gets a lot of magazines!” my Mom says, or  “This lady walks up and down the halls all day long”.  We comment on the nice art pieces hanging on the walls and the lovely seating area at the end of the hall, with windows looking out to a scenic view of snow and bare trees, an Indiana winter landscape.  We stop in to visit her friend and my godmother, who can barely see, hear or walk anymore.  Though glad to know I’m there, once I identify myself, Eileen launches into her litany of complaints.  My Mom happily suggests that Eileen could pray while she sits in her darkened room.  That’s it, I thought, Mom has always looked at the bright side of things!   I’m not surprised at all to hear her suggest Eileen might pray for others. That suggestion typifies the strong faith and optimistic view that Mom holds of the world. I recognize those traits in me, learned as a young girl, and smile as I know I have also have passed them on to my children.

Her strong faith and optimistic view, is evident still as she passes out her words of encouragement to all she encounters on her mail route: “How are you doin?” “Glad to see you back (from the hospital)”.  I’m transported back to my youth, as I walk these halls with her, recounting her suggestions to me to “turn it over” when dealing with a difficult situation.  I didn’t understand, then, how you “turned it over” and how doing so would relieve you of the anxiety, pain, or worry of the concern that would be bothering you.  I’ve come to learn, that there is a serenity that follows when one can, indeed, turn over problems to “the Good Lord”, as my Mother refers to Him.

At 92 years of age, we siblings consider Mom to be in fairly good health, all agreeing that we hope to be in as good of shape as she when we reach her age.  She walks slower these days, a broken hip 5 years ago stopped her more vigorous walking with her group of lady friends on Fridays but she continues to exercise on a stationery bicycle in the workout room of the Retirement Center where she lives. 

She is trying out hearing aids this month (surprised at all the sounds she now hears) so she can participate more fully in the conversations in the dining room.  She walks downstairs for dinner and typically sits at a table for four or six.  As she stated, “everybody else has hearing aids too and complains about them.”  At least she recognized, finally, that it wouldn’t be bad to try them out.  I’m convinced it is her positive outlook that will keep her using the hearing aids, even though they bother her, as she must learn to accept hearing different sounds, put them in and out of her ear, and remember to press a button to switch modes when she talks on the phone.

We return to her two-bedroom apartment, after delivering mail, and I look at the wall of Madonna (Mary and baby Jesus) pictures, which I helped her hang after she moved in, on one of my visits home.  “Look Mom, you’ve got all your friends back,” I said to her when the images were all hung.  Mom began collecting Madonna pictures when I was young and her collection spanned two walls in our living room growing up.  They too were a symbol of her strong, Irish Catholic faith that sustained her through the trials and tribulations of marriage, raising five children, living with my Dad after he suffered from heart attacks and watching his descent into dementia then years in a nursing home prior to his death.  All in all, Mom would maintain her deep conviction that “the Good Lord” would provide her with guidance and that Mary too would assist in solving problems of the day.

Though I didn’t stay faithful to my Catholic upbringing, I did stay faithful to living a “spiritual” life.  Mom used to declare that I was the “ecumenical one” because, beginning in high school, I was interested in learning about eastern religions.  I would come to believe more strongly in Angels and all things Spiritual than the Catholic way as the only way but I did, still, maintain a deep faith like my Mom.  My faith also sustained me through my own trials and tribulations of marriage, raising two children plus a divorce, learning to be a single Mom and then remarriage 10 years later.

I’m grateful for Mom’s optimistic view of the world, which my Dad also shared.  Between the two of them, I learned early on to see the cup ½ full as opposed to ½ empty, which would serve me well as I went about my own life.  Mom was thrilled that I was able to pursue both a career and family.  Even though she relinquished her career, working for American Airlines in the 40’s, after getting married, she instilled in me the idea that I could manage both a career and a home.  I never doubted her. 

Thanks Mom for your unwavering faith and support of your career minded, daughter!

But I think I have taken my group-ness to extremes. In addition to all of the above, plus the fabulous Dining Divas, I belong to two other distinct and very special groups.

I took up the fine art of knitting two years ago, and learned immediately that there is something irresistible about a woman sitting quietly with her needles. People are drawn to her, want to touch the yarn, and ask questions. Women in airports and on trains have overcome their reticence to engage with a stranger by their curiosity.  Some have never tried to knit, but want to know, “is it difficult? I’ve always wanted to learn,” and seem encouraged when I tell them how simple and soothing it really is. Others are experienced knitters and offer tips on the best yarns shops or websites. Some have even shared patterns on the spot with me (and one sweet lady on a plane very tactfully corrected my technique back in my earliest moments of purling). I’ve discovered that although knitting is a rather solitary pursuit, one is never alone. There is a vast community of knitters out there. I never noticed them before, but now it seems they are on every bus and airplane, clicking away.

One day, I brought a project to the office and sat quietly in our company café. It didn’t take long before other knitters stopped by. Today, an entire group of knitters has banded together. Known affectionately as the “KnitWits,” we gather weekly over lunch. In the year we’ve been together, we have knitted for charity:

• A blanket crafted from individually-knitted 12-inch squares. We raffled it off for $1,400 and donated the proceeds to the Chicago Wilderness Foundation’s initiative, “No Child Left Inside.”
• 51 wool hats for a charity called the Warm Woolies (they provide woolen clothing for children in orphanages in Asia, where central heating is rare)
• 30 blankets for Project Linus, whose mission is “to provide love, a sense of security, warmth and comfort to children who are seriously ill, traumatized, or otherwise in need through the gifts of new, handmade blankets and afghans.”
• 20 vests (with yarn donated by Land’s End) for needy children in the US

I’m also becoming extraordinarily close to a group of my cousins. My mother and her six siblings together raised 34 O’Grady cousins. With just about all us on the far side of 50, smaller “clumps” of cousins have taken to traveling together, starting with a trip to Seattle four years ago to celebrate Peg’s 50^th.  We now have a standing trip to Florida every February that’s open to any and all. We descend on John’s home in St. Petersburg, where we spend many hours in the kitchen cooking, eating and laughing.  Our joke is that if you leave the room, the others have free reign to talk about you behind your back. We’re hoping to plan a trip to Ireland in 2010, if we can only agree upon dates.

With most of our parents gone, enjoying the company of our cousins is very special and comforting indeed. It brings us back to our childhoods, when a typical Saturday night out for our parents meant going to this Aunt’s or that Uncle’s house to play cards. The kids were naturally dragged along to get into whatever mischief we could. As adults, it’s been revealing and fun to rekindle that closeness. An extra bonus is discovering cousins who were out of the narrow age band we played in as children.  Cousins who were 8 or 10 years older than me as a child might well have been senior citizens as far as I was concerned, seen only from afar as they went about their exotic ways, going to sock hops or going on actual dates.  Today, they are my friends and guides along the bumpy road of life. 

There’s even a splinter cousins group devoted to, you guessed it, knitting! We haven’t given ourselves a formal name, not yet anyway. But we have a motto (taken from the outside of Peggy’s knitting bag):

“I have 8 inches of cold hard steel and I know how to use it!”

It’s easy to feel like a dinosaur.  Our children are all too happy to oblige us with frequent eye rolls while they mock our inability to grasp the latest zombie-killing video game or the loudest heavy metal band.  (Hey, the joke’s on them—they’re playing the BEATLES on Guitar Hero, for Pete’s sake. That music is, like, ancient.).  And then there’s the confidence-killing comment just as you are about to bolt out the door for the morning commute: “You’re not wearing that to work, are you?” What? Am I showing too much leg? Did I miss the memo about shoulder pads being passé?

You don’t need children to feel the sting, either. Divas without children also report encountering the intolerance (or worse, overwrought respect) of the young in restaurants, at the doctor’s office, and at work.  As Mary explained, “the expressions young adults use make me realize my age,  both in being embarrassed at my gaffes and in my disapproval of some commonly used terms like bitch and ho.  I realize I sound like a prudish old lady if I suggest the inappropriateness of these commonly used words.” She added, “Just so you know, ‘hipster’ is not a compliment to funky, artistic, alternative types.  I found out after insulting a few ‘cool’ co-workers.  It apparently means poseur.” 

Dawn’s biggest beef about getting old are her eyes.  “This is probably lame but I really feel old that my eyesight is getting worse. I really need a bright light to read things nowadays, rather than when my eyes were only 30 years old.  And it’s hard to distinguish faces unless people are close by.”

Linda said that being offered a seat on the train “usually does it for me……not that I don’t accept the offer!” Other transgressions that irk the Divas include being called “ma’am” by rosy-cheeked wait staff, or being required to address the history teacher as “Mister Jones” when he looks barely older than your 17-year-old high school senior.  We know we look older on the outside. We simply don’t appreciate the reminders, thank you very much.

As Chris put it, “I do not ‘feel’ 53.  I feel 40 or 45.” She grinned and said, “I hope to keep moving and toolin’ until the day I kick up my toes!”

I don’t recall my mother worrying about being out of touch in her 50s. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention, but it seemed to me that that she and her contemporaries (the female half of the “Greatest Generation”) had a much more laid-back approach to getting older. They all seemed to accept the extra pounds and that funny tubular shape so many of them had acquired. Gray hair was normal.  So why are we, their offspring, so resistant to the normal aging process?

When I shared the Divas’ concerns with Kathy, a colleague at the office, she laughed and offered her take on the baby-boomer generation. “We mistrusted anybody over 30, remember?” She explained, “Our generation rigorously embraced youth. We even called it the Youth Movement!  We thought we had the answer to everything. Now, we just can’t fathom that we have become… our parents!” Kathy, who in her 50s has developed a sudden allergy to hair dye, professes to be completely dismayed by the two inches of silver hair that top her brown coif.  “I look in the mirror and wonder, ‘who IS this woman?”  But she is laughing as she says this, and when the brown is completely gone, she is going to look absolutely chic and stunning with that silver hair.  In addition to being engaging, energetic, and healthy, her strongest weapon in the battle against becoming irrelevant is her wicked sense of humor.

Maybe that’s the key. Resistance to aging is NOT futile. We don’t have to give in as easily as our mothers did. We can eat right and we exercise to keep our bones strong (and to keep some semblance of a waistline intact). And we can remember that a finely-tuned sense of humor can help us through the most mortifying reminders of our impending dotage. After all, there are some benefits to being on the far side of 49. Being out of touch can be so… liberating.  Among other things, we don’t have to pretend to like movies about teenage vampires or the D-list celebrities cavorting on Dancing with the Stars. 

I’ll leave you with a toast from the Dining Divas:  Here’s to freedom from the tyranny of being young and hip! (Just don’t call us hipsters, do you hear?)

Running friends who inspire each other: (from left) Juli, Nancy, Amanda, Jeri Lyn, and Francine

In the game of life, Nancy Willemstein is anything but a spectator.

During the past two decades, this slim, attractive 5’5” woman has established herself as an inspiring mother, grandmother, co-worker, and friend to many runners. She’s a determined, vibrant 63-year-old senior master’s class marathon runner.

Nancy began running in the 1970s at age 32 to lose weight after the birth of her two children. After several years of running shorter races, she signed up for her first 26.2 mile marathon at age 48. Her brother Paul talked her into running a second marathon when she was 52, and she was hooked.

Not ready to stop

Today at 63, Nancy has done 34 marathons and is not ready to stop. In fact, she seems to be hitting her stride. Running has taken her to 17 states and four countries, and has increased her circle of friends at least ten-fold. “I have met such wonderful friends from all walks of life and look forward to meeting so many more,” she said.

At 60, Nancy qualified to run in the famed Boston Marathon by completing a 26.2 mile race in Green Bay, Wisconsin, in four hours and 26 minutes – a personal best. She describes qualifying as one of the highlights of her life, surpassed only by giving birth to her two children. “I was on a high for six months after qualifying for Boston,” she said. She hopes to qualify again this year.

“I believe so strongly and passionately about being healthy and active,” Nancy explained. “Life is all about our attitude and how we use what God had given us.

How does she keep going? “I have three goals: drive, desire, and determination, and each day I strive to use them all to be my best. God has given me this body and I want to do the best I can with it.”

Nancy has worked for Steelcase for the past 26 years as the receptionist for corporate headquarters in Grand Rapids, Michigan. She runs about eight hours per week before or after work and on weekends. “When my co-workers or friends ask me about the races, they ask, ‘Did you win? I always say, ‘Of course I did: I finished, and that’s what it’s all about.’”

Running friends Amanda, Nancy and Jeri after finishing a race in Lansing, Michigan

 Extraordinary energy

Running also helps her in her career, she noted. “Running helps me clear my mind, keeps me positive and upbeat, and gives me energy. This helps me represent Steelcase with energy and a great attitude. When I can run before work, I feel especially good,” Nancy explained.

When visiting her son during the winter, she took his two children Isaac and Maddie sledding. After sledding down the hill and hauling the sled and kids uphill several times, a neighbor asked, “We recognize the children, but who are you?” Nancy explained that she was the grandmother and the neighbor was taken aback by her stamina. “You can go up and down those hills like the kids,” the neighbor said.

Nancy’s most challenging race was the 2004 Boston Marathon, which she ran to raise money for the Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. As a charity runner (rather than a qualifier), she began the race at noon on a scorching 87 degree day.

“It was incredibly hot and many runners were dropping out,” Nancy recalled. “I remember saying to myself, ‘Maybe I should drop out, too.’ But at mile 17 as we were approaching Heartbreak Hill, here were the cancer supporters to cheer us on. I thought, ‘I will keep running for these people facing chemo and radiation who can’t control what is happening to them.’ I dug deep and I finished in five hours and 50 minutes.” That was her slowest and most challenging race, but a personal victory.

Nancy often is asked by people who can’t run due to injury or bad knees what they can do to shape up. “I say, ‘Just move!’” she explained. “Move your body, be active, walk, bike, do yoga or pilates – do something every day. If you biked as a child, get back on the bike. Being active does as much for your body as it does for your mind.

‘Wonderful’ feeling

“You have to want and embrace health,” she continued. “I will always have the chubby little girl inside of me from when I was growing up, but feeling the way I do now is so wonderful.” 

To supplement her running, Nancy joined the YMCA last winter and has tried the yoga, pilates, Zumba and swimming classes. She runs outside year-round, embracing and appreciating the beauty of each season. (Her athletic shoe brand of choice is Saucony.)

What does this vital woman have to say about diet? “Watch what you put in your mouth. Eat lots of fruits, vegetables, protein, nuts, and fish. I love salmon. But I also love a glass of red wine and a piece of dark chocolate. Try and drink lots of water. I drink water all day long.”

Nancy with daughter Juli

Nancy recently went to her 45-year high school class reunion, discovering many of the super jocks had gained a bit of weight. “I really felt good physically, but more importantly emotionally. Running puts me in a great frame of mind. Someone asked me, ‘Are you still running? You look great for your age!’ But I really believe age is just a number – it’s what you do with it that counts.”

Nancy ran the Twin Cities marathon on October 4^th with a finish time of four hours and 38 minutes. She hopes to qualify for the Boston Marathon again with another marathon in December. If she qualifies, she hopes to run that race with her 40-year old daughter, Juli Duprey. “To qualify and run the same year as my daughter would be the ultimate for me. How cool would that be?” Nancy asked.  

“I have no thoughts of stopping,” Nancy concluded. “Running is a great part of my life and the benefits of health are endless. It is never too late to embrace health.”

–Mary Pat Byrne (If you have an idea for an inspiring story, please send the details to MPB@JustANumber.com)