No matter how you may envision retirement, it is a one of life’s major steps and a huge lifestyle change.

There are some who may consider it to be the adventure of lifetime, while others find that they were not so well prepared as they had imagined. 

Over the past century, life expectancy has increased 30 years. But how do we prepare for all that extra time?

Being Realistic

“There is a gap between what we want retirement to be and what it actually is,” said John T. Cacioppo, Ph.D., and director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neurosciences at the University of Chicago.  Dr. Cacioppo, an expert in social psychology, is a public speaker and a contributor and blogger for Psychology Today.   

Common problems are:               

• Self-esteem: Self was tied to position and work.
• Isolationism: Loss of social network.
• Ageism: Unexpected age discrimination.
• Disorientation: Loss of structure and purpose.
• Unrealistic goals: Not understanding all sides of questions.
• Family: Increasing demands from family.

Retirees often move to another location, but then may find that their social network is gone and that after six months or so the idyllic retirement setting does not seem so wonderful. Or in starting a second career, the retiree may find he or she is not as respected as at the last job. Without a work schedule, some retirees do not know how to organize their time. And some retirees find that the family expects them to be a baby-sitter or helper now that they “have the time.”

Susan D., a retired health care professional, moved from the suburbs to Chicago, expecting excitement and fun.  What she discovered was that high-rise living was an isolating experience. With the dense population and anonymity, the lakefront view was not enough to offset the lack of companionship.  She eventually transitioned to a smaller city.

“This is not uncommon” said Dr. Cacioppo. “The network we leave took years to build and is not easily replaced. Numbers are not important here, however. A person needs only one or two quality relationships to give life meaning again.”

Dr. Cacioppo said that women generally have an easier time with retirement or being laid off, because they can spend more time with family and friends, specifically female friends. 

The question to ask is, “What exactly do I want in this part of my life?”

Assessment and Experience

Maria Malayter, Ph.D., director of the Center for Positive Aging at National-Louis University in Chicago, wrote a book entitled Boomers: Visions of the New Retirement. From her research, she concluded that three key questions can put a person on the road to a happy retirement.

• What gives your life purpose?  To what are you committed and what do you get excited about?
• Where do you get your mental stimulation? What exactly gets you interested and excited among various types of mental stimulation such as volunteer work, formal education, on-the-job training, teaching, etc.?
• What kind of companionship would you like?  Who are the people with whom you would like to spend time?  What are your networks?

“These three are intricately linked and hard to separate,” said Dr. Malatyer.

“My transition from healthcare required that I look honestly at myself and forced me to discard ideas that no longer worked,” said Susan D. It led me from corporate life, to consulting, and finally to owning my own business.

“The journey was neither easy nor quick,” she said noting she had to be her own cheerleader and just “pushed through” with the help of supportive friends. 

Susan D. also had reared her four children and had been a caretaker for her sister and mother, both of whom recently had died.  She decided she no longer wanted a caretaker role.

“I still babysit occasionally, but I guess I began my businesses to avoid the family calls,” she admitted.

Now, after seven years of owning a business, Susan D. would like to move into something more meaningful that would incorporate her previous healthcare experience. To that end, she now volunteers with a group that serves children who are being raised by their grandparents.

Ageism not only comes from others, but can come from retirees themselves, as when they opt to associate only with others their own age with similar interests. Not only can that result in stagnation and a lack of being open to change, but it also can be depressing as the members of one’s social circle die off.

Dr. Cacioppo suggested socializing, working, and volunteering with younger people. For example, the organization Experiences Corp provides an opportunity for retirees 55 and above to teach children to read. Such activities provide an opportunity to share knowledge with youth, which can be meaningful and rejuvenating, and the mere act of getting involved with an outside organization can keep retirees moving physically.

Nurturing Networks

“Nurturing networks is essential,” said Marci Alboher, senior fellow at  Civic Ventures, a San Francisco-based think tank engaging boomers as a force for social change.  Alboher has written the book, One Person, Multiple Careers, A New Model for Work Life Success. She also created the Shifting Gears column and blog for the New York Times about work/life transitions and career diversity. 

“If there are no support groups, then create them yourself with the people from your employment or friends,” said Alboher, “Cheerleaders are important.”

Alboher offers several strategies for an enjoyable and meaningful retirement:

• Begin research on your interests before you leave your employment.  Ask for a “phased retirement,” although it may not be possible with all employers. This will give you a chance to explore new areas with a bit of structure in place.
• Learn new skills. It isn’t necessary to go back for formal education; there are classes offered through a variety of venues, such as continuing education courses at universities, professional organizations, and aging support centers.
• Volunteer. Volunteer opportunities may provide an idea of where your talents can be used, and also be a good option for learning new skills and providing a sense of purpose.
• Create a day-to-day schedule and long-term plan. Having a plan and strategy from which to work will help you realize what will and will not work. You can even “test drive” a move to a new location as part of your long-term plan by spending time there before you actually retire.
• Stay flexible. Opportunities come from various places and sources, so it is vital to listen and be ready for change.
• Open dialogue.  Look for opportunities to be in and promote dialogue in intergenerational settings.
• Take risks.  Growth comes from moving out of one’s comfort zone.

“It’s not customized,” said Alboher. “You will be finding more and more people identifying new pathways for living”.

When Susan D. asked why some elders are happier than others, she discovered that “the trip depends on you,” she concluded.

–Susan Fong

Resources:

• Marci Alboher: http://www.heyMarci.com
• Alboher, Marci. One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success. Business Plus, 2007: http://www.amazon.com/One-Person-Multiple-Careers-Success/dp/0446696978
• Dr. John Cacioppo: http://psychology.uchicago.edu/people/faculty/cacioppo/index.shtml
• Cacioppo, John; and Patrick, William. Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. W. W. Norton & Co., 2007: http://scienceofloneliness.com/?q=homepage
• Civic Ventures: http://www.civicventures.org
• The Intergenerational Center at Temple University: http://templecil.org
• Dr. Maria K. Malayter: http://www.docmaria.com
• Stanford Center on Longevity: http://longevity.stanford.edu
• Southern Illinois University Year of the Engaged Older Adult: http://www.law.siu.edu/GenServeGen/home.html
• Mather LifeWays: www.MatherLifeWays.com